Decolonizing My Faith pt. 2 Matthew 6:7

"When you pray do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they think they will be heard because of their many words."

I once sat in a candle light service for Christmas. I was about to leave for a missions trip on the west side of Finland and was trying to fit my faith experience into a space it grew out of. I was sitting with some friends in this service feeling so incredibly uncomfortable. I knew I didn't belong here, my beliefs weren't welcome and my trauma certainly wasn't either. We finished worship and sat down to pray in our seats, being lead by one of the hosts of the service. I sat down wanting to tell God, that I feel weird and I'm mad that I have to be here. The host had other things to pray about. She began to talk about God 'entering this space' 'fill our hearts' and other evangelicalism phrases, all meaning the same thing, that made me even more angry. What did this have to do with my missions trip? What did this have to do with international cooperation, community and Christmas? I wanted to say, Jesus was born into an immigrant family and was literally crammed into a barn in order to be born. Why are we not mentioning where he is today? At the US boarder in a cage. On the other side of the Israeli wall. Laying on the ground after playing with a toy gun. Why is this not being mentioned?

I want more than anything to be 'filled with the spirit' but what does that even look like if every service you are just asking for it and not doing anything to show that you are filled with the spirit? What would it look like to pray to God the way you would talk to your parents, or your siblings, or significant other? What would it look like to say "Ya know, God, I'm pretty fucking angry right now. I'm angry that there is a genocide happening. I'm angry that slavery is still rampant in 2020. I'm angry at the White House, and the University, and I want you to do something and help me do something. These are things you flipped tables for and I'm ready to do the same." I am so tired of the silly phrases, the fake niceness, the the meaningless repetition and I want to say just shut up.

My initial thought of this verse today, was 'I haven't prayed in a long time.' Praying always felt like a long thought process to me. Like I'm thinking things and hopefully God is listening, cuz I never get a response. But I've been wondering lately if I've been praying this whole time. I think God is powerful enough to hear me scream at the television watching the news, cry to that song, hold my dog because she feels like the only pure thing left on earth, and know that thats my prayer. I think I've decided to stop using meaningless repetitions to talk to God for five minutes a day. I don't think its genuine and I don't think it's honest. I've been wondering what it would look like to dedicate my day to prayer. To know that every curse word I scream, every tear I shed and every feeling of hopelessness I feel, that I'm praying and that God hears me. I believe She is too powerful to not interpret my prayers the way I give them, and She's too loving to not listen.

Amen.