You Know Better Than I

My body is growing around them

The little white lines usually covered by my converse shoes or the blue socks you gave me with the cupcakes on them.

I didn’t shave my legs once in hopes that the hair would at least distract from the lines from the previous night

I don’t think you knew; I don’t think any of you knew

I used to bite the inside of my cheek or tug on the loose skin between my thumb and my pointer finger to keep from telling you

I wanted to tell you, I did, but every time I tried…

Could you tell?

Can you see the little white lines?

They’re still there.

It doesn’t matter if you couldn’t or if you can’t

My body still only exists for me

You know better than I

My knowledge of life is limited by my own perspective

If for some reason that perspective is harmful or damaging, I can rest in the fact that ‘You know better than I’

My happiness is my choice.

I am still depressed, yes, I believe I always will be

But I am smarter than my depression now

I choose to not believe everything I think

The lines on my ankles are only lines

The thoughts are only passing through

My perspective is altered to be perfectly imperfect

Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers, accused, betrayed, and abandoned, and still held his faith in place of that heartbreak to build others and remain in the dark of his limited perspective in order to live in the light of the unlimited perspective of God.

“So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Genesis 45:8)